Conversation with Clarissa

This actually happened at the end of September, but it was a big milestone in communication so I thought I'd record it.

The girls had been with a sitter for the night, and on the way back from taking her home Clarissa and I had a very cute conversation - at least as much as one can have with a baby 16 mos old at the time.

Me: Clarissa, did you have a nice time with Jenny?
Clarissa: Uh huh (nodding).
Me: Did you go to the park?
Clarissa: Uh huh (nodding).
Me: And did you go on the swing?
Clarissa: Uh huh. Weeeeeeeeee!
Me: And then did you watch a show?
Clarissa: Uh huh. Tse-tse.
Me: Oh, and sister watched it too? How nice.

My little talker

Can you believe Clarissa is almost 17 months old? I can't! Although I am delighted that nursery is just over a month away, which means I will get to go to Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society again ;-).

I wanted to take just a moment to record Clarissa's current words:

Daddy
Mommy
Mama
Sister (sounds like tsee tsee)
Hi
Hello (sounds like allah)
Bye
Baby
Buddy
Happy (usually happy happy happy)
Nigh-Night
Pretty
LaLa (Aunt Lisa)
Mimi (Aunt Amy)
Gaga (Grandma)
Ball (sounds like bow)
Cheese
Potty
Puppy
Nice (she just doesn't add the 's' sounds to the end yet)
Go go
Bugga (meaning herself)
Nah nah (her word for food)
Nee nee (used to be interchangeable for nah nah but now it means bink)
Cup
Mine (thanks to the week we subbed in nursery . . . lol)


Some common sentences are:

Hi Daddy!
Nice baby
Nice Puppy

Clarissa's first sentence!

Clarissa's first sentence was spoken yesterday:

"Hi Daddy, hi Daddy, hi!"

So cute. She also said another quasi-sentence yesterday, "Mama na na", which she said while carrying a bag of bread over to me. (Na na is how she refers to food).

She will be 15 months tomorrow. Time does fly.

A little disturbed . . .

I don't know exactly what I want to say right now but I just have an icky feeling and I need to process it somehow. Through facebook I have come across some blogs recently, mostly from LDS women, and I the phrase "in the end, perilous times shall come" keeps going through my head. Usually it's because a page that I subscribe to has commented on one of the posts or something and I read the blog post because I am curious. I am coming across lots of stuff written by members in open defiance of things that have come directly from the 1st Presidency or scriptural Doctrine. On of these bloggers says "I'm either a complete apostate Mormon, or I'm just saying what we are all thinking". Believe me I'm not trying to make myself feel better about my own spiritual standing by comparing myself to these women and what they are thinking and publishing - I am just genuinely shocked. I know it's hard to be a stalwart member of the LDS church. But you know what? Whoop-Di-Freaking-Doo! We need to pull ourselves up and do what we need to do! When things get spelled out for us so clearly by people we believe truly communicate with the Lord, I don't think it's THAT hard to follow. Certainly we are always encouraged to gain a testimony for ourselves on different issues - that is a part of learning and progressing in this life, and that process happens more slowly than we would like sometimes - but I just don't understand how easy it is (apparently) to misunderstand. And part of my mood is no doubt influenced by the fact that one by one, many of the people that have played immensely important roles in my life and were true examples to me have stepped away from the Church completely. Many are now openly fighting the church. I'm talking endowed RMs. I don't get it. I don't get how someone can KNOW (and I know they knew . . . I heard them bear powerful testimony) and then walk away. Or take a true Eternal Principle and use it to justify things totally contrary. It is disturbing and frightening to me. I don't worry so much for myself, but I do worry for my girls and how to guide them and nurture them properly so that they can truly "endure to the end". I have known for quite sometime that finding friends in the church doesn't necessarily mean they will be quality friends who will lift, encourage, and support my faith. Truly embracing the values we teach isn't always what people do, and sometimes members of other faiths can be just as stalwart in those values, if not more so. In fact my best friend is a baptist. I just really had no CLUE there was this much division in the Church. It saddens me.

Finally a new post!

It has been 4 months since my last post. Eeeeeks!

Craig's law school applications are mostly turned in, and now we just get to wait! He is very excited about graduating in June and moving on.

Carolyn is, as ever, such a sweet big sister. She is finally potty trained, which was undoubtedly one of the most challenging things I have ever done. I just keep reminding myself that while potty training is always hard, it isn't likely that it will ever be THAT hard again. She loves playing with Clarissa, and is absolutely in LOVE with Sunbeams. I have started doing a few minutes of pre-school activity with her almost every day, which she is having lots of fun with and doing very well with. Every day we do a new letter. She practices writing it and rehearsing the sound it makes. Last week we quizzed on A-F (with just a picture of each letter on a page), and she had to find the correct page and then make the sound. She is very much looking forward to warmer weather and riding her new bike that she got from Auntie Leta for Christmas.

Clarissa is such a big girl - 10 months this week. She started crawling at 7.5 months (Carolyn was 9), and is very very close to walking. What is funny and very endearing is that Carolyn gave up the swaddle a little after 9 months, but Clarissa has just barely transitioned to one arm out. So maybe she won't be taking it to Kindergarten with her like I was thinking she would for a while there, but it will probably be a month or two before she gives it up completely. She is at such a fun stage right now. She loves to do "Boogie boogie", wave hi and bye, and say "Hi". It starts pretty high pitched and then ends about an octave and a half lower. She just ADORES Carolyn. It is so fun to watch them play now that she is older and more interactive. This morning they were playing dress-up. B was Snow White, Clarissa was Cinderella (Carolyn was quite adamant that Cinderella had to wear her glass slippers too), and I was appointed Fairy Godmother. I didn't have a dress, but she referred to me as Fairy Godmother and insisted that I refer to them as the Princesses they were dressed as. It's such a joy to watch their development and milestones - like imaginative role-playing. Clarissa is getting to be a Daddy's girl more and more, which Craig and I are both enjoying. It used to be that she would get really upset if I even left to go to the store, but now she quite enjoys her Daddy time.

I am trying to be patient while we wait to hear back from law schools. The wait is the worst. I know my life is going to change a lot and I will be moving 4 or 5 months from now but I have no idea where! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I have also been working a lot on emergency preparedness. Food storage . . . lots of food storage, as well as building a stock of basics that we use regularly - both for emergencies and because we don't know what kind of jobs Craig may be able to find in the interim between graduation and starting law school. I have also been doing a lot of reading on Essential Oils. AMAZING amazing stuff. It goes along with emergency preparedness. The Lord made an amazing earth and I have very much felt His guidance in my studies. Well, it's late so I am going to end here but I will post some pics tomorrow, and on Facebook as well. I'm so behind!

All about Clarissa!

Clarissa is 6 months old! Here is her life so far in review:

FIRST MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Nursing, being Swaddled, cuddling close and listening to a heartbeat, listening to familiar voices
~Least Favorite Things~: Baths, changing clothes, gas
~Things That Make us Laugh~: The cry that sounds like a question, the octave jump "I'm tired" cry, saying "Hi" with a sigh, snoring
~Important Events~: Visits from family

SECOND MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Being swaddled, looking at trees and angel friends, watching sister, watching the stars and bear on the mobile on her swing
~Least Favorite Things~: Gas, riding in the car
~Things That Make us Laugh~: The octave jump "I'm tired" cry, yelling through her bottle, snoring
~Important Events~: Mommy's birthday, first trip to the Gorge, Grandma Cannon's funeral

THIRD MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Being swaddled, exercising at her gym, playing with sister, smiling at the stars and bear on her mobile on her swing, Being a shoulder Bug
~Least Favorite Things~: Gas
~Things That Make us Laugh~: Her hair that sticks straight up in the back no matter what Mommy does with it and increasingly looks like antennae, Yelling "Ligga ligga" at her bink while trying to go to sleep, snoring
~Important Events~: Visiting with the Schneiders both at their house and ours

FOURTH MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Being swaddled, exercising at her gym, playing with sister, Being a shoulder Bug, a baby massage (riding in grocery store carts in parking lots)
~Least Favorite Things~: Being away from Mommy
~Things That Make us Laugh~: Finding her voice and experimenting with it! Yelling "Ligga ligga" through her bink while trying to go to sleep
~Important Events~: Great Grandma Madison's 90th birthday party

FIFTH MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Being swaddled, exercising at her gym, playing with toys on the floor, playing with sister, holding one parent and looking at the other, bathtime, being a morning Bug, watching a Baby Movie, a baby massage
~Least Favorite Things~: Being away from Mommy, getting stuck on her tummy
~Things That Make us Laugh~: More vocal experimentation, Tasting Mommy's shoulder/generally sticking her tongue out
~Important Events~: Blessing

SIXTH MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Being swaddled, being rocked, exercising at her gym, playing with toys on the floor, playing with sister, playing air guitar with Daddy, pinching Mommy's cheeks, stealing Mommy's glasses, dancing, watching a Baby Movie, a baby massage
~Least Favorite Things~: Her self-designed schedule not being adhered to, getting stuck on her tummy
~Things That Make us Laugh~: Blowing raspberries
~Important Events~: First General Conference

SEVENTH MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Being swaddled, being rocked, playing with toys on the floor, playing with sister, playing air guitar with Daddy, pinching/clawing Mommy's cheeks, feasts (baby food with rice cereal mixed in), dancing, a baby massage, a baby movie, rolling over and over again
~Least Favorite Things~: Her schedule not being adhered to, teething
~Things That Make us Laugh~: Her new range of sounds, babbling in a language that sounds rather German
~Important Events/Milestones~: Thanksgiving, rolling over both ways

EIGHTH MONTH

~Favorite Things~: Being swaddled, being rocked, playing with sister, rolling all over - then scooting - then crawling, feasts, playing with Aunties and Cousins, insisting that she is a Bed Bug (refusing to sleep anywhere but in bed with Mommy while at Amy's for Christmas, a baby massage, a baby movie, playing in the exersaucer
~Least Favorite Things~: Her schedule not being adhered to, cutting her first two teeth. What a relief though when they finally came in!
~Things That Make us Laugh~: Lecturing
~Important Events/Milestones~: Christmas, cutting first two teeth, crawling, saying "Dada", waving and saying "Hi" (she has done both on and off but it starting to be more purposeful about it.

5 months

I don't know what to say right now other than this: If the unfolding of events in the past several days had gone just a tiny bit differently, I could easily have lost someone very precious to me. I am so very VERY thankful that the Lord shaped the way things happened, and prevented things that might otherwise have gone quite differently.

You run a tight ship, Captain Milkbeard!

A little bit of back story . . .

Clarissa was born with a very cute cry. After the ear-shattering screams that Carolyn often blessed us with, it was a welcome change! For the first 2 weeks, her cries raised in pitch before she would stop to take a breath like she was asking a question. I could just imagine what was going through her mind, "What is going on? My tummy hurts and I don't know why?", etc.

That didn't last long, but then she adopted her trademark "I'm tired" cry. I tried not to laugh at her but man most of the time I just couldn't help it. It was a very classic "Ahhh" sound, but it jumped an octave in the middle. If she was beyond tired she would do it several times in a row, with the starting pitch raising after every few repetitions. A handful of times, she did that and then get so upset when she was at the top of her range that she'd kind of "tarzanate" on it . . . kind of sounded like revving and engine. That was truly comical.

I was very sad when that cry stopped. After that one, all of her cries had some sort of "aye aye aye" in it. So we started saying "Aye, aye, captain" to her a lot. Last week while just babbling and playing with me, she said something that sounded astonishingly like "ahoy", which totally cracked me up. Then that same day Craig came to say hi to her while she was drinking a bottle, and in below her ear-to-ear grin, her chin was covered with milk. Craig said, "Ahoy Captain Milkbeard", and we busted up. The nick-name stuck, so now she is both a Bug and a Pirate.

I say that she runs a tight ship because she has put herself on a schedule, and she is very serious about it. She spits up a lot, and since her skin doesn't react to baths the way that Carolyn's did, we bathe her almost every night. Bathtime is at 8:00 and if I am late she yells about it. She likes to go to bed at 9:00, and if I try to rock her or anything beyond that time, she almost always yells and arches her back until I put her in her bassinet. Then she is perfectly happy and goes right to sleep. She does that sometimes for her naps, but not nearly as much. Funny girl.

Our little Captain Milkbeard runs a tight ship indeed, which is really probably for the best because it keeps the rest of us on a schedule as well, and that is something that is beneficial to everyone.

Teething and random medleys

So Clarissa has been teething the past few weeks. She is a total drool monster, and it's so weird because it's her bottom canines that are pushing for some strange reason. A couple of weeks ago she was so funny and miserable that I was worried there was something else going on and took her to get checked out for an ear infection. Turns out it really was just the teeth, and we found out while we were there that she is up to 13 1/2 pounds! Big girl. She recently found her voice and talks non-stop. She is quite the chatterbox, and it is pretty darn cute.

Carolyn is growing smarter every day and is always impressing me with what a dedicated big sister she is, and just generally cracking me up. Often if Clarissa starts to cry and I can't get to her right away, B will say, "Mommy, Clarissa is crying!", then run over there and say, "I got her. You're okay Clarissa, you're okay". B loves to sing and sings all the time while she is playing, etc. She has learned so many songs in the past couple of months between nursery and visiting my Mom that she sometimes gets confused as to what goes with what. For example, "Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do . . . Oh the doo-dah day". Another funny one that I have no idea where she heard is "We will, we will rocket ship (rather than rock you).

Clarissa's latest stats

Our little bug had an appointment today and it's close enough to the 2 month marker that we just got all that stuff out of the way, meaning immunizations. Poor cried harder than I have ever heard her cry and has had a hard day. All things considered though she is pretty cheerful this evening. She is now a little over 7 weeks.

11 lbs 10 oz (up exactly 3 lbs from birth)
22.5 inches (up exactly 2 inches from birth)
head 15.5 cm (up exactly 1 cm from birth)

Everything is on track developmentally, and she is doing just great! Now to convince her to sleep less during the day and more at night . . .

More recent pics

Some pics

Some pics from the first 3 weeks

Catching up . . . last weeks of pregnancy and labor & delivery

Carolyn is at Mom's house this week, which is giving me the opportunity to get caught up on some things. And getting caught up on my blog is one of the things on my long list! This will be a pretty long post so feel free to skip to more interesting parts.


PRE-TERM LABOR


The last weekend in March I had some bleeding and an increase in contractions after a busy Thursday that included doing splits with the Sister missionaries. I laid low that weekend, which wasn't too terribly hard because Mom was headed up our way anyway and just came here first before heading to see Dan & Amy.

I did fine for 5 days after that, then the Friday before Easter I had 50 contractions in the space of 2 and a half hours. Not good. They weren't painful, but still, not good. So I decided I had better call my OB. I spoke with a nurse and she said to just watch it, go to modified bedrest, and go to the hospital if things changed or got worse. They eased up a bit for a while but by Sunday night they were back and I was feeling some pressure so I decided I better just get checked out. I was just past 34 weeks at that point. Dr. Sand was really mad that the nurse hadn't talked to him about it when I called initially because he would have wanted to see me sooner. He was pretty surprised at how strong my contractions were, and they decided to keep me over night to monitor them and monitor the baby. I left Monday morning with terbutaline, still a very thick cervix (barely 1 cm and 25% effaced), and instructions to come right back if I had more than 4 contractions in an hour.

Delayna (the most amazing friend ever. Seriously) came to help me for a couple of days and took over the care of B. Mind you she was only 7 weeks behind me in her own pregnancy. I went back to the hospital Monday evening because they were picking up again, but my cervix hadn't changed so they said I was okay to go home and just to keep resting as much as possible. The next morning at my OB appointment my cervix had ripened just a bit more, so it was apparent that I needed to keep resting. Bedrest with a 2 year old is a joke. Good thing Dr. Sand doesn't believe in total bedrest . . . he says strict bedrest where you only get up to pee hasn't been proven effective and that it makes you weak. So from then til 37 weeks I did bedrest as much as I could. We had some meals brought in, and various people from the ward took B to play, which was the most helpful thing. She really was understanding about the whole thing and trying to keep Mommy and Clarissa Baby healthy, but let's face it: 2 year olds need to play and run!


37 WEEKS


At 37 weeks we decided if she came at that point we were okay with it, so I returned to a normal activity level, which was a very welcome change! I got more things ready for her arrival, and most importantly, got in a lot of quality time with my B girl. I felt really great. My back didn't hurt constantly, my hips got sore from sleeping on my sides but after being up for an hour or so it went away, blood pressure was still fine, and my swelling showed up as soon as I was on my feet again but it was way better than it was with Carolyn. Everything was, really. I was sleeping well and feeling great!

As the days and weeks went by, I made no cervical progress at all, which was really funny. First my body was trying to kick her out, then it just hit a plateau and stayed there. Tonia, the midwife who delivered me, went on vacation as I was hitting 39 weeks so I was nervous that she wouldn't make it back in time, but she did. We started talking about inducing because I was ready to go, Clarissa was big and healthy, and I was nervous about having a violent delivery again. Well, terrified is a more appropriate word haha. I was hoping for Thursday the 6th but the hospital said they had too much going on that day but they could squeeze me in to get started later that day (Wednesday the 5th). So we said yes and started getting things together. Mom was on her way to watch B, and Delayna and Amy were making preparations to leave. Then I got a call from Tonia saying that the hospital said I would have to wait til Friday afternoon (unless of course I went into labor naturally). We went to a Cinco De Mayo party that night, which was a nice distraction. We got to see some friends, eat good food, and B had a ton of fun playing outside. Mom was here when we arrived back, and we spent the evening looking at old pictures and videos of B as a baby. Celebrating her was the perfect way to spend my last night as a mother of 1.


LABOR AND DELIVERY


At 3:30 Thursday morning, I woke up with cramps. Sure enough I had more pain during contractions, and things didn't slow down in the bath. I had lost my mucus plug already, and at that point I was having bloody show. So at 4:45 I called Amy, Delayna, and Tonia. Things moved pretty fast with B, so we were expecting this to be a short labor - consequently Amy and Delayna got ready and left as soon as they could. At 7 things had stopped progressing, so I called Tonia and she told me to meet her at the office at 9. I felt like an idiot but I knew that earlier that morning I was having real early labor. Delayna took me to my appointment and Amy met us there. I was at a 4 or 5 and 50% effaced, and while Tonia was examining me, my water magically broke! (Wink, wink) :). So I mopped myself up and we all walked over to the hospital.

I checked in and got taken to one of the smaller recovery rooms because my birthing suite was being cleaned. In our tiny hospital there's no guarantee that you will even get one because there are only 3. The day that I had Carolyn I got the last one arriving at 10:30 a.m. and with Clarissa I arrived at 9:45. It was a crazy week at the family birthing center. For 4 days they had nothing. Literally not a single patient. Then on Wednesday they were totally over-run! So I am glad looking back on it that I didn't go in on Wednesday because I wouldn't have received the individual care that we usually get here.

The nurses blew 2 veins trying to get my IV in (I tried to warn them . . . sigh), then they finally got it. I was transferred to my suite at noonish I think, and by that time I was starving. It didn't even occur to me to eat before I saw Tonia at 9, and with my adjusted anatomy I just can't not eat especially if I am trying to do something insanely hard like push out a baby! The nurses hooked me back up to all of the monitoring equipment as soon as I got into the suite and I after I asked if I could eat they brought me jello. Delayna and Craig were going to sneak me something substantial anyway, but then Tonia came in and I asked her if I could eat and she said yes I could eat and ten proceeded to tell the nurses to leave me alone and quit fussing because I was low-risk and needed to be free to walk around or do whatever I wanted. Tonia is a rockstar :D!

Mom & B came to visit as well which was nice because we were all gone by the time they woke up. B was very prepared for Clarissa's birth but I wanted her to see that I was in the hospital and being very well taken care of and that it wasn't a scary thing. Craig & Delayna brought back lunch for everyone; I had a chicken salad from Wendy's. I proceeded to eat periodically throughout the day which turned out to be a very good thing as time went on with no baby. By 2 pm I hadn't made much progress so they started me on pitocin. They do a very small dose for 30 min, wait for 15 to see if anything is happening, and then very gradually work up from there.

I ordered my epidural pretty early. I was uncomfortable but not in a ton of pain. But with pitocin the crazy contractions can come on very suddenly so I wanted to be ahead of it. I have decided I like getting the epi sooner than later. With B I was dilated to a 6 and miserable. I had a contraction while getting my epi, and any woman who has gone through that knows how HARD it is to hold perfectly still during a contraction, especially with back labor which NO ONE should have to go through ever! Anyway, holding perfectly still was way easier this time. Granted I was much more aware of the sensations but it is more uncomfortable than painful. He had to stick me twice because they first time he didn't hit any spinal fluid. It took immediately, which was awesome. I had some numbness in one leg but none in the other which was kind of funny. I felt the tightness with each contraction but no pain, and every time I started feeling any pain at all I hit my button for an extra little dose. The day wore on, the pitocin kept getting upped, and still nothing. Crazy! It was making me contract but that's not what I needed help with. I was having tons of strong contractions already, hence the bedrest! I need help with my cervix and it just would not budge. Finally when they got to the max dose, things started moving.

It had been several hours since my epidural by this point, and I started feeling pain. Like, real pain. Not good. I was in so much pain with B that I pushed way too hard way too fast and I really think that had a lot to do with why I tore from here to Timbuktu. The nurses couldn't figure out what was going on so they paged the anesthesiologist. He discovered that my bag of epidural fluid that goes in at a slow, constant rate was empty and sure enough I hadn't had ANYTHING for 45 minutes to an hour. He gave me a booster but it didn't do anything, and I was getting really nervous because by that point I was 9 cm and 85% effaced. After a few minutes he came to the rescue and gave me a stronger booster which was AWESOME. I didn't feel any pain but as the time came closer to push, I started feeling more and more pressure. Clarissa's heart rate climbed a little with those final contractions but if I talked to her and rubbed her it went down. What a sweet girl. I remember telling the nurse Kayse that I felt like there was an anvil on my pubic bone. When it was time to push, Tonia was an amazing coach. I pushed through 5 contractions and rested for 1 in between. She told me when to push hard and when to do little grunts, and Craig also told me when to slow down. I was lying on my side to avoid unnecessary pressure on my perineum. On the clock it was about 15 minutes later that she was born, but only 4 minutes of pushing. I had a few surface tears that healed up in 2-3 days and one 1 inch tear right where an episiotomy would have been had I requested one, but it was much shallower than an episiotomy so I was glad I didn't ask for it! That one did require stitches, but 10% of what I had with Carolyn.

They gave her to me immediately, and she grabbed on to my finger with one hand and my night gown with the other. It was so sweet :). Her cry was so much softer than Carolyn's it was almost comical. She got pretty upset when to took her away, but calmed right down as long as Craig talked to her. That was really amazing to see: the stark difference it made for her and how much it comforted her. She was really easy in the hospital, and has been for the most part really easy since then too. She earned the nickname "Little Miss Perfect".

They kept me on pitocin through the night to get my uterus to shrink faster. I didn't sleep at all that night beyond 20 minutes a couple of times because I was in so much pain so I told the nurses I didn't want any visitors Friday morning so I could try to rest. I am not supposed to take ibuprofen, and they percocet they were giving me didn't cut it. Next time I am definitely going to pack my own heating pad because the nurses really can't give you anything because of liability issues with burns and such. One nurse, Kayse again, bent some rules a little which I loved her for. And I loved the huge whirlpool tub in my suite. That was what brought me the most relief, and I used it 7 times within the first 24 hours. Seriously. Eventually I was so exhausted I decided to take 1 ibuprofen with my percocet each dose, and that did make a difference. We had various visitors, and we came home Saturday evening. I was lucky that they didn't kick me out of the suite. Apparently one woman had to give birth in an operating room on Friday because there was just no where else to put her. 9 babies were born in 30 hours starting Wednesday night, which is a new record for Ellensburg!

Carolyn loves her and is a great big sister. She loved to share her toys with her, hug her, kiss, her, and give her her binky. She also checks to make sure I am taking care of her when she cries, which I think is so sweet. Last week at Amy's we were in the basement and she heard Clarissa crying from upstairs and yelled down the stairs to make sure I was holding her and helping her. Carolyn is acting out because of the transition, which is totally expected and natural, but she hasn't asked to take the baby back tot he hospital or anything like that :). They are both such sweet little spirits and we are so blessed to have them in our home.

3 weeks . . .

Well I had the baby on Friday May 7th at 12:19 am. 8 lbs 10 oz, 20 1/2 in, head 14 1/2 cm. She is a very calm baby and is growing like a weed! Today she is 9 lbs 13 oz, 21 3/4 in, head 15 cm. I will post more details later, I promise, when I have more computer time lol.

Pushing time!

Okay so it's not *quite* pushing time but it will be soon! I've been up since 3:30 am with painful contractions, and I've had 7 in the past 40 minutes. As of yesterday I was 4 cm dilated and 50% effaced so it should be a pretty quick labor. Mom got here last night and I called Amy and Delayna a few minutes ago so they are on their way as well. I will probably let Craig and Mom sleep a little longer though.

39 week belly!

Awesome quote

My friend posted this on Facebook, and I thought it was brilliant so I wanted to record it somewhere a bit more permanent:

"Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff." - Catherine M. Wallace

I just wanted to record some of the thoughts I have had the past few weeks as I prepare to have more than one Princess to take care of. I say Princess in order to remind myself that they are of a royal heritage and belong not to me but to the Lord, who created them and knows them and love them more than I can even comprehend. As Carolyn learns and grows she inspires me just by being her sun-shiny little self, and I am truly humbled to have her in my stewardship. I know that Clarissa will be the same way.

Carolyn loves nothing more these days than to sit on the couch with me and "talk to Clarissa". Of course this always involves my naked belly haha. B reads to her, sings to her, feels her move, kisses her, plays puppets with (at) her, tries to share her drinks with her through my belly button, and once she has even tattled on her which was hilarious. We were talking to my Mom and she said, "Mommy, Clarissa is in trouble." I asked if Clarissa was being naughty and what she was in trouble for, and she said "Clarissa is being naughty. She's climbing". Oh the things that run through the mind of a toddler! There was another really funny moment when she was patting my belly and we were talking about how baby Clarissa lives in Mama's belly for now but when she has grown big enough she will come and live in our house. B continued patting and said, "Poor Clarissa . . . locked inside". She said it with such a look of genuine concern and sympathy it melted my heart and cracked me up at the same time!

It's good for me to take breaks throughout the day to rest and prevent my ankles from getting out of control even if it is hard sometimes to stop whatever chore I am in the middle of. I truly treasure that time with my two girls. I find great comfort in their youth and innocence. As every parent knows, caring for a toddler is exhausting in every possible way and at times frustrating. But at the same time, I get to spend all day every day with someone who is completely free from the stains of this world. Am I learning all I can from her? Am I teaching her in the way the Lord would have me do? I sure hope so. I love to rock B and feel Clarissa's little wiggles. Sometimes they are genuine interactions and sometimes not, but each one is so precious and each one is a miracle. It's interesting - more than Craig's voice or even mine, she reacts most often and with the most force to B's. Clarissa gets SO excited when B talks to her and I just love to watch two little celestial beings play. I know that is one of the things I will love the most about Clarissa's arrival - getting to watch their interactions rather than just feeling them.

One thing I really enjoy about pregnancy is being able to protect her from the world. From evil, from illness, even from the weather etc. I have been able to carry both my girls through a temple session in utero. With B I was 6 months along, with Clarissa it was the day before I found out I was pregnant but I had my suspicions. They were both powerfully and unforgettably spiritual experiences. Never again in this world or the next will I be able to complete that ordinance with them, and I treasure the one time I did get to. All I can do now is teach them correctly and (hopefully) be around to be their escort when they complete those ordinances for themselves.

30 weeks

One of B's favorite things these days is to "cuddle Mommy" before naps/bedtime. And sometimes when we watch t.v. :D. And I am treasuring these last few weeks of having just one Princess in the house.



B and Mommy being silly in the bathroom: